In Love 12 Years 1995

15 Oct 2020 Admin

How many times one could fall in love?

December 26 1984,

I was born, I entered the world I cried as loud as I could so that I could possibly escape from this life, but I couldn’t. I was stuck as an immiscible creature in this world. I grew with all wealth and heath which possibly any other wouldn’t have had. But still I was empty. I had friends but still the emptiness remained.

July 17 1995

I met Daisy, she was 11 years old and she was way pretty and out of my league. She was new to our school and was the only girl in our class. She was uncomfortable to see no other girl in the class room. With all honour she was made to sit in the first row so that she is not disturbed by the men in the room.

I was sitting in the last row, I was peeping over the shoulder of the one sitting in front of me. She never looked back neither she spoke with anyone. I sympathised for her. Vicky the spoilt brat who sat beside me suddenly stood up and said “Daisy Subramani wants to speak with you” Hearing this I went numb and pale. The whole class turned around and looked at me. That’s how Daisy gets to know who I was and I was there sitting staring at the whole class.  All I could was perform an act of nervous breakdown and fell on the floor unconsciously.

Later, in the playground Vicky was giggling at me. But I was lost in thoughts of, how to undo my shame. 

Vicky was and is my best pal since my 3rd grade, he was and is a spoilt brat but a clever one because he never gets caught. He was matured; at the age of 12 he knew everything for a guy of 16 should know. So technically he was our guru. But a bad guru for what he had done to me. All that ran in my mind was “What would she think about me?”

I peeped at her hiding behind the boy who sat before me. To my surprise she was staring back at me. I was petrified I covered myself immediately. Gave an ugly look at Vicky with irritation. The school bell rang.  

Couple of days later I was early to school no one was there in the class room. Rubbing the board was fun those days. I dusted the duster and started rubbing the board. The board was wiped clean, corrected the dates but it was no fun to do it alone, you’ll enjoy only if you have someone to compete with. The class was silent. Looked into the next class room. The room was empty. I got confused, took my handbook to check whether the day was a holiday. To my relief the day wasn’t a holiday.

I didn’t know what to do, so started scribbling names on the board, that’s what kids do in those days. I scribbled my name in different styles, got bored. I wrote Daisy’s name in a decorative font, I mumbled her name pointing the name with a chalk in my hand “why can’t you be my friend!! why do you expect me to come and seek friendship!! Why can’t you come and get along!! you are such a head weighed, silly girl!" I kept a dot at the end of her name. I turned and threw the chalk piece to the dustbin. It was a basket shot. Out of joy I jumped and suddenly I felt someone’s presence, a hand tapped my shoulders. I turned was shocked and covered the board with my shoulders; it was Daisy. I stammered, I fumbled but I couldn’t come up with an excuse for writing her name on the board.

She lifted her right eye brow and asked “What were you doing? Why did you write my name on the board” I said “What your name? You got to be kidding me! I just wrote my name never wrote yours, someone who likes you might have written it. What’s the big deal in it?” She was like “What, what did you say?” Her voice made my feelings go down to drain. I kept silent. I threw the remaining chalk in the dustbin and walked back to my bench.

My shirt had the chalk mark of her name in mirror view. She sat in her bench. I placed my head down on the bench with shame. She yelled from the front row “Hi!! I am Daisy and I am not a head weighed girl. I love to get along unless you wish to” I looked up and saw her. I smiled she smiled in return. She came to my bench and lends her hand saying “Friends?” 

I shook her hand; I did have my emotions controlled but still I couldn't stop blushing.

I thought she knew my name but then she said “I hope your name is Subbu, right?” I winked saying “Nope the name is Subramani”

We became friends; she spoke a lot, about her family, her little brother who was in the navy’s school, her father who was a navy officer. Her dog Kiwi.

She had this awesome smile with dimple on both cheeks which makes me go mad at her. I asked her once where did you get these dimples from. She replied “One from my Mom and the other from my Dad” I thought she was joking but that was the fact. Her mom had a dimple in the left and her dad had one in the right. She got her looks from her mother. But her brother he really sucked, for the sake of her I had to accept him. Else I would have thrown him in the sea for the good of others.

Daisy was like my life then; all I do was speak about Daisy, all I played around was with Daisy. I never missed a Sunday mass because Daisy would come to church. I was in the carol, the only non-Christian. I was a Hindu but still I was in the carol group just for Daisy. My dad never bothered about this; actually he was happy for I was accepting all religions. If Daisy was a Muslim, I would have even gone to the mosque too.

I never knew I was moving away from my friends. I was spending a lot of time with her, in school I was with Daisy, evenings I was with Daisy, weekends I was with Daisy. I was like having a peaceful life, no sorrows nothing to worry, nothing to bother even though Vicky bugged me for not coming to play the game (cricket). I was least bothered. I lost my place in the team but got selected for the Church carol team. I was in cloud nine when I was with her.

All was fine until May 15 1996; her father got transferred to a different state. And it was obvious that she was gonna leave the school. My heart sank. I was broken I don’t know what made me feel that bad, I was upset with everyone, I was upset with the school, I was upset with my friends, I was upset with my mom and dad, I was upset with my dog Poppy. I was in pain though no one knew it. 

May 15 1996

Evening Daisy came home said she was leaving, I kept silent; she said again she was leaving, I never uttered a word. I kept silent with my head down. She was about to leave and I could not resist myself I asked her where was she going to? She turned and hugged me saying I’ll be missing you Subbu I’ll be missing you. I realised the pain of joy.

She wept on my shoulders and said she is leaving to Visakh near Andhra. I asked her will she be coming here anytime later for a family visit. She said “No, I have no family here; my family is vacating Chennai once and for all” This ripped my heart apart. I could not feel anything I was numb and dead in the inside.

I still remember the dress she wore, a white pampered top with cuff folding on the shoulders and a red skirt which touched the floor. She looked like an angel in that dress. I asked her the address which she didn’t have. She said she would post me when she reaches Visakh. I gave her my address. Her hands slipped slowly from mine with a good bye. I was standing there alone with pain and anger with God for what he has done. I stayed till she vanished from my sight, the moment she was gone I broke into tears. My heart ached out of pain I never realised what it was for and why. Because that was my age and how could I possibly know that I was in love. I looked up in the sky; the sky thundered the lightening ripped the sky into two. Wind blew heavily, mom came out for me and called me in. She said “Silly boy don’t cry  there are lot more to come” I didn’t know what she meant but it was consoling.

God gave the right person when I never knew what love was. I waited for Daisy’s mail, never a mail came. I waited too long to forget her. That’s When Martina came into my life....

- Subbu 

In love 16 years.......... will be continued……

P.S. This is an imaginary story which is based on pure lies. 

Sivaraj Parameswaran